Year's best
THE YEAR'S BEST [actual] HEADLINES OF 2005:
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[no, really]?
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
[now that's taking things a bit far]!
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
[what a guy]!
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
[no-good-for-nothin' lazy so-and-sos]!
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
[see if that works any better than a fair trial]!
War Dims Hope for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect!]
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
[you think]?
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
[who would have thunk it]!
Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
[they may be on to something]!
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
[you mean there's something stronger than duct tape]?
Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
[He probably IS the battery charge]!
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
[weren't they fat enough]?
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
[Taste like chicken?]
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]
And the winner is...
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
A quicky - George Carlin said it best about Martha Stewart.
"Boy, I feel a lot safer now that she's behind bars. O.J. Simpson, Robert Blake, Mike Tyson, Michael Jackson and Kobe Bryant are still walking around; Osama Bin Laden too, but they take the one woman in America willing to cook, clean, and work in the yard, and haul her off to jail!
Did I read that sign right? Real signs!
In an office:
TOILET IS OUT OF ORDER......PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE CENTER ON THE 1ST FLOOR
Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.
On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE Bell Doesn't WORK)
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to; (maybe even a chuckle
To return to the links to all of Howard Johnson’s sites Click here
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[no, really]?
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
[now that's taking things a bit far]!
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
[what a guy]!
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
[no-good-for-nothin' lazy so-and-sos]!
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
[see if that works any better than a fair trial]!
War Dims Hope for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect!]
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
[you think]?
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
[who would have thunk it]!
Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
[they may be on to something]!
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
[you mean there's something stronger than duct tape]?
Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
[He probably IS the battery charge]!
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
[weren't they fat enough]?
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
[Taste like chicken?]
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]
And the winner is...
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
A quicky - George Carlin said it best about Martha Stewart.
"Boy, I feel a lot safer now that she's behind bars. O.J. Simpson, Robert Blake, Mike Tyson, Michael Jackson and Kobe Bryant are still walking around; Osama Bin Laden too, but they take the one woman in America willing to cook, clean, and work in the yard, and haul her off to jail!
Did I read that sign right? Real signs!
In an office:
TOILET IS OUT OF ORDER......PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE CENTER ON THE 1ST FLOOR
Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.
On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE Bell Doesn't WORK)
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to; (maybe even a chuckle
To return to the links to all of Howard Johnson’s sites Click here
posted by HoJo | 12:23 PM
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